Saturday, December 31, 2011


The last day of 2011 has compelled me to write a retrospective post - for myself, of course, as this was never intended to be used as a regular blog - but there's something vaguely comforting about sending out a message into cyberspace, to be mulled over (or, more likely, ignored) by those who still have this blog added to their readers.

So, concerning 2011:

My gut reaction is simply to say: this last year has been a disaster. In many ways, I have never been so unhappy: I was stressed beyond what I previously thought to be humanly possible. I remember many a Friday night filled with accounting, whilst my friends went out and met Yannis from Foals and did equally exciting things. As gross as it sounds, there were weeks when I barely had time to wash my hair. Even more significantly, my year was marred by an extended, heart-shattering and largely unresolved event going by the name of Nick Mulgrew.

I could continue in this vein, and view 2011 as a waste - a year to be left out for collection with the other post-new-year-celebration trash. But I'm growing up, and part of maturity is learning that sometimes (actually, make that usually), difficult experiences can do you a hell of a lot of good. I was already able to bear witness to the amazing transformations that quite a few of my friends have undergone after suffering through bad breakups, and I guess this year it just happened to be my turn. As with my friends, the experience hasn't been wasted.

This year I learned that I have a resilient spirit - even when, for months on end, I've felt like giving up and never leaving the security of my duvet again. I have learned that I have an incredible family, and a mother whose ability to comfort me is not hindered by the 4000km distance between us. I have a loving father who, despite a somewhat gruff exterior, is willing to buy me a plane ticket home for the very next morning, at an exorbitant price, when he knows that I am devastated. Seriously: if anything, 2011 has taught me that my family is amazing.

I have learned that I am very, very smart, and despite emotional difficulty I can still emerge as the top student in a class of competitive postgraduates. I have learned to love and value my friends - especially those who have battled through similar things. I have worked hard to get fit, and have received tremendous support from those around me regarding these efforts.

In the last few months of 2011, I learned to respect myself and resolved to never let a man disrespect me again, as far as I can help it. Most importantly, I've learned (and am still learning) about God's exceptional grace - and the second (and third, and fourth...) chances he doles out upon us.

When I look back over (my mostly heartbroken) 2011, key events and people stand out. The year began with a solitary drive across the entire country, which allowed me to silently marvel at the stark beauty of the Karoo. In June, I floated on the Dead Sea in Israel. I chatted to French boys outside E. Dehillerin in Paris, where Julia Child used to buy her kitchenware. I strolled along the Champs-élysées by night. I hiked in forests, and swam in beautiful waterfalls in the Eastern Cape. I watched a lot of cooking shows. I managed to read a few crazy good books, in-between my hectic schedule. I made some amazing friends in my marketing class (bonds forever sealed by rebellious late-night McDonald's coffee in comlabs), and strengthened my existing friendships. I acquired a wealth of knowledge. I gained bucket-loads of confidence. And heck - my year has ended with me lying next to a swimming pool in Mauritius, looking out over the most ridiculously blue ocean as I write this post. Without underplaying just how hard my heartbreak has been, I truly acknowledge that I have a lot to be grateful for.

Suddenly, 2011 doesn't seem like such a waste - but instead, a year of triumph over difficulty and personal growth. More than that: with retrospect, what it looks like is a solid platform for the incredible year that I am convinced 2012 will be.

When I return to Cape Town in a few weeks, I'll be moving into a fantastic new flat, in a fantastically trendy area. In August (or hopefully July, if I scrape together the appropriate funds to go a bit earlier), I'll be heading to Europe, with one of my bestest friends, to enroll at Sciences Po - a Parisian university often casually referred to as 'the Harvard of France'. It's the grande école of grandes écoles. Personally, I can think of no better remedy for a broken heart. And that's only the part that I have planned.

So, 2011: it hasn't been altogether pleasant, but I have survived you. Thank you for the good times, and thank you for the lessons I had to learn through the hard times. 2012: je suis prêt.


Saturday, December 3, 2011

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Dads have the coolest hats

It's been a while since I updated (*ducks under desk from shame*), but, as always, indecisive me can't decide whether to make this a regular thing again. What I'm looking for is a project, but I'm still coming up with ideas - so watch this space, but, er, not too often.

My (normally cooperative) Macbook has decided to take the day off, so I'm typing on my mom's ancient Windows laptop which she ditched about two months ago for a monstrous seventeen-inch iMac, about which she is very chuffed, even though the most use it gets is checking the occasional email... Anyway, I am currently at our house in Mauritius, and it feels as though the holidays are just dragging on. Surprisingly, I'm pretty desperate to get off the island and get back into the swing of things. Not to say I haven't had a nice relaxing time - I was fortunate enough to have some lovely visitors, in particular Nich - and I thought I'd show off a little photoshoot of our hats that we had when he was here. Both of these hats belonged to our dads respectively - though I'm technically still trying to wrestle my dad's hat (the woven one) from him, as he's oddly attached to it.


Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song
You can't believe it
You were always singing along
It was so easy and the words so sweet
You can't remember
You try to feel the beat


You spent half of your life trying to fall behind
You're using your headphones to drown out your mind
It was so easy, and the words so sweet
You can't remember
You try to move your feet

Sunday, November 8, 2009

I want to be a paper swan.

Sorry, I've been away for a very long time. I still haven't decided whether to keep this blog as a holiday blog, or to blog continuously throughout the year. At the moment, I think I'm just going to update every so often until the holidays: I'm off to Mauritius in a month (exactly), so expect a lot of holiday posts very very soon.

I'm stuck indoors today, and here is the result:


Saturday, September 5, 2009

In that moment I thought: how beautiful, my life, projected on these faded walls.

The quiet clink of keys, a slow turn, a muffled click.

Hush, hush.

Don't wake the moonlit trees.